Hard.

Life can be really hard. Difficult. Straining. One minute you're on top of the world and the next, it's ended. Funny how it works that way. 

Life puts you in places you never intended. Life makes you say and do things you never thought you would. Life gives you family and circumstances that you wouldn't have picked for yourself. 

In three days, my dad goes off to a dangerous part of the world. It's what he lives and breathes- all he talks about. It's extremely difficult coming back to the U.S. to the realization I may never see my dad again. Spending 6 weeks in a third world country makes you see life differently, but this really rocks your world. He's given me talks and taught me how to take care of our animals and farm in the last few days I've been back...for the time he's away. Cause of course he has to come back. I'm not sure how to deal with this but so far I haven't been doing so hot. I haven't been understanding to why Dad is acting the way he is or informed in what he is dealing with because I'm too upset that the worst might happen. I haven't looked at the info he's sent me or watched any of the videos online. It's a really bad coping mechanism but I always revert to denial and running away. "If I don't think about it, maybe it'll go away" is a popular thought that circles my distracted mind. But for now that's it. I'm coasting. Scared and stuck like a deer in the headlights.

So your prayers would be greatly appreciated. 

-My heart is in denial